Abandonment leads to restlessness

My first post set the foundation for the defining theme of my life for the first 39 years: abandonment.

The main point of this post is to communicate that a feeling of abandonment in one’s life, leads to restlessness. From my earliest days, even well into adulthood (and post-conversion) I was living out my core identity as one who felt abandoned (i.e., rejected by my earthly father),

A sense of abandonment, deeply embedded in the soul, causes one to ask questions like these:

• Why was I not worthy to be loved? I guess I have to earn love.
• How do you make it through life? I will make it on my own.
• Can you trust anyone deeply? I can not trust anyone with the deepest parts of my soul.
• Is anything worth commiting to ultimately? I can not make an ultimate commitment because it probably won’t last since people will fail me.

Those questions, and life-commitments that followed, resulted in almost 40 years of restlessess. Restlessness can be manifested in a myriad of ways:

• Inability to keep a job.
• Inability to commit to a life-mate.
• Inability to have deep, lasting friendships.
• Inability to live in one place for very long.

Do you recognize the pattern?
The next post will take us from restlessness to release.