Almost every book/blog I have ever read on developing a lasting marriage and preventing sins of all kinds in the marriage relationship, has included the idea of having a regular date night. The frequency varies, but the theme is consistent: men and women who continue to date continue to mate, and continue to deepen the bonds of intimacy and attraction that first brought them together.

There are all kinds of reasons people give for not having a date night. No time, no money, and no baby-sitter are among the most popular. But let me ask you this, “If your spouse confessed to having an affair would you concede it was OK because, after all, you never dated each other after the wedding day because, after all, you didn’t have the time, the money, or a baby-sitter for the kids?”

Stephanie and I have not been great about having a regular date night, but we’re working on it (we’re going out tonight – YEAH!) because we believe in it, and we believe our marriage matters enough to cut past the excuses to make it happen.

Here is something I’ve been wondering about today.

“Why do I feel pressure to spend more time outside when the weather is nice?”

I am not only speaking about pressure from external sources like friends and family, but internal pressure to ‘go outside.’ It strikes me as odd that I should feel this way.

Yesterday I spent the afternoon napping and watching baseball. I would love to do the same again today, except that it is warmer and sunny. Maybe I should be outside instead of watching TV. Do you agree?

Part of this stems from my childhood I am guessing. Please forgive me Mom if I am wrong, but my assumption is that drilled into my impressionable young brain was the idea, “It is nice outside…go out and play.”

As an adult and father, I understand the motive behind this. If my mother’s parenting experience was like mine currently is, the idea of sending the kids outside was as much for her sanity as our health and enjoyment. The unfortunate side affect is that hearing that over and over again created a strange legalism in me. Now, if I don’t go outside when it is nice, I feel like I am bad.

Or maybe it comes from someplace else. Maybe there is a primal urge inside my body to get out and get ‘back to nature.’ Maybe the sun beckons and the cells of my brain respond to the calling of fresh air, warm UV rays, and soft breeze tickling my eyes. I don’t know.

What I do know is that I like watching the Red Sox from my couch sometimes, and other times I like playing catch and riding my bike.

And no one is going to make me feel bad about that anymore…not even my inner outdoors-man.

Stephanie emailed this to be a while ago and I finally got around to putting it on the blog. It is a tad lengthy, but a funny read if you have kids.

Lesson 1
1. Go to the grocery store.
2. Arrange to have your salary paid directly to their head office.
3. Go home.
4. Pick up the paper.
5. Read it for the last time.

Lesson 2
Before you finally go ahead and have children, find a couple who already are parents and berate them about their…
1. Methods of discipline.
2. Lack of patience.
3. Appallingly low tolerance levels.
4. Allowing their children to run wild.
5.Suggest ways in which they might improve their child’s breastfeeding, sleep habits, toilet training, table manners, and overall behavior.

Enjoy it because it will be the last time in your life you will have all the answers.

Lesson 3
A really good way to discover how the nights might feel…
1.Get home from work and immediately begin walking around the living room from 5PM to 10PM carrying a wet bag weighing approximately 8-12 pounds, with a radio turned to static (or some other
obnoxious sound) playing loudly.(Eat cold food with one hand for dinner)
2.At 10PM, put the bag gently down, set the alarm for midnight, and go to sleep.
3.Get up at 12 and walk around the living room again, with the bag, until 1AM.
4. Set the alarm for 3AM.
5.As you can’t get back to sleep, get up at 2AM and make a drink and watch an infomercial.
6. Go to bed at 2:45AM.
7. Get up at 3AM when the alarm goes off.
8. Sing songs quietly in the dark until 4AM.
9. Get up. Make breakfast.Get ready for work and go to work (work hard and be productive)

Repeat steps 1-9 each night. Keep this up for 3-5 years. Look cheerful and together.

Lesson 4
Can you stand the mess children make? To find out…
1.Smear peanut butter onto the sofa and jam onto the curtains.
2.Hide a piece of raw chicken behind the stereo and leave it there all summer.
3. Stick your fingers in the flower bed.
4. Then rub them on the clean walls.
6. Spill milk on your new pillows.Cover the stains with crayons.How does that look?

Lesson 5
Dressing small children is not as easy as it seems.
1.Buy an octopus and a small bag made out of loose mesh.
2.Attempt to put the octopus into the bag so that none of the arms hang out.
Time allowed for this – all morning.

Lesson 6
Forget the BMW and buy a mini-van.And don’t think that you can leave it out in the driveway spotless and shining.Family cars don’t look like that.
1.Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove compartment. Leave it there.
2. Get a dime. Stick it in the CD player.
3. Take a family size package of chocolate cookies.Mash them into the back seat.Sprinkle cheerios all over the floor, then smash them with your foot.
4. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car.

Lesson 7
Go to the local grocery store.Take with you the closest thing you can find to a pre-school child.(A full-grown goat is an excellent choice).If you intend to have more than one child, then definitely take more than one goat.Buy your week’s groceries without letting the goats out of your sight.Pay for everything the goat eats or destroys.Until you can easily accomplish this, do not even contemplate having children.

Lesson 8
1. Hollow out a melon.
2. Make a small hole in the side.
3.Suspend it from the ceiling and swing it from side to side.
4.Now get a bowl of soggy Cheerios and attempt to spoon them into the swaying melon by pretending to be an airplane.
5. Continue until half the Cheerios are gone.
6. Tip half into your lap.The other half, just throw up in the air.

You are now ready to feed a nine- month-old baby.

Lesson 9
Learn the names of every character from Sesame Street, Barney, Disney, the Teletubbies, and Pokemon.Watch nothing else on TV but PBS, the Disney channel or Noggin for at least five years.(I know, you’re thinking What’s ‘Noggin’?) Exactly the point.

Lesson 10
Make a recording of Fran Drescher saying ‘mommy’ repeatedly.(Important: no more than a four second delay between each ‘mommy’; occasional crescendo to the level of a supersonic jet is required).Play this tape in your car everywhere you go for the next four years. You are now ready to take a long trip with a toddler.

Lesson 11
Start talking to an adult of your choice.Have someone else continually tug on your skirt hem, shirt- sleeve, or elbow while playing the ‘mommy’ tape made from Lesson 10 above.You are now ready to have a conversation with an adult while there is a child in the room.

Fun post by my friend Ben on the Top 10 Reasons to Rethink Your Involvement in Social Media:

1. Your spouse discovers new things about you on your blog.
2. You have separation anxiety with your iPhone.
3. You have a Vimeo AND a YouTube account for the SAME videos.
4. You get mad at people who call you when they could’ve twittered.
5. You think people who “friend you” are really your friends.
6. Your most frequented website is a visitor stats page.
7. Half of your web searches involve your own name.
8. You don’t read “the Bible” anymore; you clarify “YouVersion.”
9. You see it as a way to vindicate social trauma in high school.
10. If they made a statue of you, it would be you hunkered over a computer.

I have been listening to a great talk from the Resurgence’s Biblical Parenting Conference by Dr. Ted Tripp called “An Overview of Corrective Discipline“. He has written the book Shepherding a Child’s Heart which I have added to my Christmas list, as should every parent.

Here are some notes I took on Dr. Tripp’s teaching about discipline.

The central verse on discipline is,

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.” – Eph. 6:1-3 (ESV)

As parent, we want our child to obey us because when they do they will experience safety and goodness in their life. When our children do not obey they are placing themselves outside the promise of life going well for them. Disobedience puts children in danger of all kinds.

Therefore, we never punish from an attitude of anger or power-tripping, rather, our discipline is always a labor of love because we want what is best for our child. Discipline is restoring the child to a safe place after they have put themselves in danger.

So how do we discipline…

1. Discipline is done in private. A child should never feel shame or embarrassment when being disciplined.

2. Discipline is specific. The child must know exactly what offense they are being disciplined for.

3. A parent should secure an acknowledgment from the child. This means the child confirms they committed the wrong and protects the parent for disciplining the wrong person.

4. The child should be reminded of the purpose of discipline. “I love you and I am disciplining you because you have disobeyed Daddy and life will not go well for you if you continue like this.

5. Tell the child exactly how many swats they will receive and make it reasonable for the transgression.

6. Don’t lose the point of spanking through the padding of the pants.

7. Restoration. Tell the child you love them and pray for/with them after they have been disciplined.

I started working on an article today based on Paul’s words to Timothy in regarding how women should dress. I came across this incredible word to fathers on C.J. Mahaney’s blog.

Dads, I want to urge you to take responsibility for your daughters’ dress. Fathers are absolutely essential to the cultivation of modesty. When a young lady dresses immodestly, it usually means her father has failed to lead, care for and protect her. Without a father’s care and protection, she may be daily exposed to the lustful minds of men.

My three daughters are grown and married now, but from an early age I sought to impress upon them the importance of modesty. Before an article of clothing became a permanent part of their wardrobe my girls had to get my approval. This wasn’t always easy—for them or for me. Modest clothing is hard to find. Sometimes, they’d arrive home after an all day shopping trip only to hear me say: “That’s not gonna, work, my love. I’m so sorry, but exhaustion from shopping doesn’t excuse immodesty. We’re not going to compromise.”

I am a strong believer in the crucial role that father’s play in the lives of their daughters. This word from C.J. is a great reminder that it is not a father’s job to be ‘cool’ but to teach and instruct and protect his daughter. If a man loves his daughter deeply, then she will not need to go looking for that love in the often misusing arms of some hormone charged teenage guy.

Powerful short movie.

I heard John Piper say in an interview with Mark Driscoll that one of the things he most regrets about about his time parenting his now adult boys, is that he didn’t work hard enough to push inside their hearts and draw them out. He taught them the Bible, he disciplined them to be responsible, he cheered them on in sports and activities, but he feels like he didn’t do enough to teach them to understand and nurture their hearts. Watch the video and fast-forward to the 34th minute to hear John talk about this.

What a challenge! I want to connect with my own kid a deep level. I want to be in touch with their hearts and give them the tools to be in touch with their own hearts and the hearts of their own kids someday. The stage I am in now is precious time that I can’t afford to waste.

I was thinking about Christian marriage and remarriage a little tonight and this verse popped to mind as I was considering two people who are divorced and yet both attend my church.

23 So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, 24 leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift. – Matthew 5:23-24

I believe that a professing Christian husband and professing Christian wife are to remain together, despite their problems, as long as it is physically and emotionally safe to do so. Because we live in a broken world there are times when even Christian people need to split up, temporarily or permanently. The permanent option, however, is a drastic step that should only be taken after much prayer, counsel and thought. I would go on to argue that in occasions where a marriage must end, at least one of the two partners are not even truly Christians.

So, what about the couple at my church? They are friendly and kind around one another at church. They both attend regularly and even serve in some capacities around the church. But their marriage is unreconciled and it doesn’t appear that either party is moving to rectify things.

So, should they take communion? Should they be allowed to serve in the church? What would you do if you were an elder at my church?

“Uneasy is the head of the man who wears a crown.” Shakespeare

I listened to a sermon last night from Dr. Martin Lloyd Jones in which he referenced this quote when talking about how man becomes a slave to power, adoration, and the worship of other men.

The idea that I will be happy when I final ‘arrive’ is a lie that I consistently trip up on. I sin when I dwell on the falsehood that contentment and happiness will come from attaining some level of respect and achievement in the eyes of others.

What I forgot is that should I reach some level of success with this kind of mindset, I will constantly be threatened by others who are achieving in their own right. Because I worry about gaining others approval, I will steadily be on guard of others who are getting the praise I crave.

Being on the top comes with a much higher price than people allow themselves to acknowledge. You are the place ever one else wants to be. You are the king that others are trying to knock off the hill. It is an exhausting, anxious and difficult spot to be for the man who rose on the praises and accolades of foolish men who shift affiliations and affections like a restless wind.