A man dies and goes to heaven. St Peter meets him at the gates of heaven.

“Here’s how it works”, says St Peter. “You need 100 points to make it into heaven. You tell me all the good things you’ve done and I give you a certain number of points for each item, depending on how good it was. When you reach 100 points, you get in.

“Okay”, the man says, “I was married to the same woman for 50 years and never cheated on her, not even in my heart.”

“That’s wonderful”, says St Peter. “That’s worth 3 points.”

“Only three points?” the man says, looking a bit dejected. “Well, I attended church all my life and supported the ministry with both my tithes and my service.”

“Terrific!” says St peter. “That’s certainly worth a point.”

“One point?” Now the man really looks worried. “I started a soup kitchen in my city and worked in a shelter for the homeless. That’s got to count for something.”

“Fantastic, that’s good for two more points”, says St Peter.

“Two points?” the man cries. “At this rate the only way I’ll get to heaven is by the grace of God.”

“Bingo, 100 points!!” cries St Peter. “Come on in!!”

Right after Christmas, I went with Noah, my son, to Holiday in the Park at Six Flags. We had a great time, but we froze our “youknowwhats”.

Standing in lines is not my idea of fun and if you add cold, windy weather on top of that, I go negative on the “fun-o-meter”.

But its always fun to watch people and I noticed something odd when we were standing in line for the La Vibora ride.

The smiles get bigger the closer you are to the front of the line.

Duh.

I guess that’s to be expected, but if you think about it, that is the opposite of what should be happening.

If you think about it, the longer you’re in the line, the more unhappy you should be and those at the front of the lines at Six Flags have been in those lines longer than the folks that just walked up to the line.

Obviously there is something that has to be changing the scowls and frowns to smiles.

Well, we know what it is. We’ve all experienced it…its the fact that we don’t have to stand in the line any longer…

I don’t think so.

Its the “ride”.

The closer you get to the ride, it doesn’t matter how long you’ve been standing in line, you are ready. You’re anxious about the ride and how much fun it will be. When they finally let your group through, you’re smiling even wider and can’t wait to get buckled in.

And just when you thought your smile couldn’t get any bigger…the ride is done. You’re back at the beginning of the ride and you’re smiling from ear to ear.

So what does this have to do with anything?

Oh, I don’t know. Maybe it doesn’t. Maybe it is what it is.

(Did you think I would let this one go without a correlation?)

As people get older, I’ve noticed they frown more often. They look more worn out…they’ve been standing in the line for a long time.

There are very few people that I have seen or heard of that actually look forward with anticipation to their final “ride”.

I know I don’t.

I want to go to heaven, but not yet.

My grandmother told me one time, “Eric, sometimes you just get tired. That’s when you know you’re ready to go.”

(Crud, I’m in trouble. I feel tired all of the time.)

But there are few people that smile even wider as they get closer to the “ride”.

I know these are the same people that are going to enjoy the “ride” even more than the wait.

Stephanie emailed this to be a while ago and I finally got around to putting it on the blog. It is a tad lengthy, but a funny read if you have kids.

Lesson 1
1. Go to the grocery store.
2. Arrange to have your salary paid directly to their head office.
3. Go home.
4. Pick up the paper.
5. Read it for the last time.

Lesson 2
Before you finally go ahead and have children, find a couple who already are parents and berate them about their…
1. Methods of discipline.
2. Lack of patience.
3. Appallingly low tolerance levels.
4. Allowing their children to run wild.
5.Suggest ways in which they might improve their child’s breastfeeding, sleep habits, toilet training, table manners, and overall behavior.

Enjoy it because it will be the last time in your life you will have all the answers.

Lesson 3
A really good way to discover how the nights might feel…
1.Get home from work and immediately begin walking around the living room from 5PM to 10PM carrying a wet bag weighing approximately 8-12 pounds, with a radio turned to static (or some other
obnoxious sound) playing loudly.(Eat cold food with one hand for dinner)
2.At 10PM, put the bag gently down, set the alarm for midnight, and go to sleep.
3.Get up at 12 and walk around the living room again, with the bag, until 1AM.
4. Set the alarm for 3AM.
5.As you can’t get back to sleep, get up at 2AM and make a drink and watch an infomercial.
6. Go to bed at 2:45AM.
7. Get up at 3AM when the alarm goes off.
8. Sing songs quietly in the dark until 4AM.
9. Get up. Make breakfast.Get ready for work and go to work (work hard and be productive)

Repeat steps 1-9 each night. Keep this up for 3-5 years. Look cheerful and together.

Lesson 4
Can you stand the mess children make? To find out…
1.Smear peanut butter onto the sofa and jam onto the curtains.
2.Hide a piece of raw chicken behind the stereo and leave it there all summer.
3. Stick your fingers in the flower bed.
4. Then rub them on the clean walls.
6. Spill milk on your new pillows.Cover the stains with crayons.How does that look?

Lesson 5
Dressing small children is not as easy as it seems.
1.Buy an octopus and a small bag made out of loose mesh.
2.Attempt to put the octopus into the bag so that none of the arms hang out.
Time allowed for this – all morning.

Lesson 6
Forget the BMW and buy a mini-van.And don’t think that you can leave it out in the driveway spotless and shining.Family cars don’t look like that.
1.Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove compartment. Leave it there.
2. Get a dime. Stick it in the CD player.
3. Take a family size package of chocolate cookies.Mash them into the back seat.Sprinkle cheerios all over the floor, then smash them with your foot.
4. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car.

Lesson 7
Go to the local grocery store.Take with you the closest thing you can find to a pre-school child.(A full-grown goat is an excellent choice).If you intend to have more than one child, then definitely take more than one goat.Buy your week’s groceries without letting the goats out of your sight.Pay for everything the goat eats or destroys.Until you can easily accomplish this, do not even contemplate having children.

Lesson 8
1. Hollow out a melon.
2. Make a small hole in the side.
3.Suspend it from the ceiling and swing it from side to side.
4.Now get a bowl of soggy Cheerios and attempt to spoon them into the swaying melon by pretending to be an airplane.
5. Continue until half the Cheerios are gone.
6. Tip half into your lap.The other half, just throw up in the air.

You are now ready to feed a nine- month-old baby.

Lesson 9
Learn the names of every character from Sesame Street, Barney, Disney, the Teletubbies, and Pokemon.Watch nothing else on TV but PBS, the Disney channel or Noggin for at least five years.(I know, you’re thinking What’s ‘Noggin’?) Exactly the point.

Lesson 10
Make a recording of Fran Drescher saying ‘mommy’ repeatedly.(Important: no more than a four second delay between each ‘mommy’; occasional crescendo to the level of a supersonic jet is required).Play this tape in your car everywhere you go for the next four years. You are now ready to take a long trip with a toddler.

Lesson 11
Start talking to an adult of your choice.Have someone else continually tug on your skirt hem, shirt- sleeve, or elbow while playing the ‘mommy’ tape made from Lesson 10 above.You are now ready to have a conversation with an adult while there is a child in the room.

Fun post by my friend Ben on the Top 10 Reasons to Rethink Your Involvement in Social Media:

1. Your spouse discovers new things about you on your blog.
2. You have separation anxiety with your iPhone.
3. You have a Vimeo AND a YouTube account for the SAME videos.
4. You get mad at people who call you when they could’ve twittered.
5. You think people who “friend you” are really your friends.
6. Your most frequented website is a visitor stats page.
7. Half of your web searches involve your own name.
8. You don’t read “the Bible” anymore; you clarify “YouVersion.”
9. You see it as a way to vindicate social trauma in high school.
10. If they made a statue of you, it would be you hunkered over a computer.

Have you ever done something that you were sure would break your neck?

Today, I took my son, Noah, to the Grand Prairie Skatepark to practice what he had learned this week in skate camp.

I had taken him earlier in the week to show me what he could do, but this time was different.

Last time I was telling him how to do things and encouraging him to try new “stunts”. 

He didn’t seem to like my “words of encouragement” when it came to doing a “drop-in” on the 3 ft. quarter pipe.

If you don’t know what a “drop-in” is, take a look at this video and you’ll see:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZyNO0h4WNAo&NR=1

Today, though, I had to “put up or shut up”.

Today, I paid for my own admission, rented a helmet and skated out to the practice area with him. 

Don’t you wish you could’ve been there to videotape it!!

Any way after about 15 minutes, I told him to try some “drop-ins”.

He said he was too scared.

I then asked him if he would try one if I did.

His eyes got big.  “Sure” he said.

I think he knew that I had no idea what I was getting myself into.  I think he also knew he was about to have some interesting entertainment.

I asked a kid on the platform how to do it and he slowly explained each step.

I did just what he said.  I put the board on the rail, put my foot on the tail of the board and then froze. 

It sure looked higher up on the platform.  (It was only 3 feet high.)

I picked up the board, I looked at Noah, he smiled back at me and I put the board back down on the rail.

I started talking to myself.

“Okay, you can do it.  This is not going to kill you.  You could get hurt.  No, you will get hurt.  Maybe not this try, if you’re lucky, but sometime you are going to get hurt.”

“Okay, pick your foot up.  Pick it up.  Pick…it…up.  Its not moving.  Get up foot!  You aren’t in control!”

I then turned and smiled at Noah.  He smiled again.

“Come on Dad.  You can do it.”

I thought I heard a little sarcasm in his voice.

Well, I won’t bore you with anymore excruciating details, but needless to say after about 10 tries, I was able to “drop-in”.

I then moved to the 4 ft. quarter pipe and landed on my back. 

I think every kid in the park went “ooohhh”. 

I don’t think they thought I was going to get up.

I did.  Slowly.

After my “adventure”, Noah and I kept skating and he even tried several more “drop-ins”.  It seemed like he listened to me more closely and was willing to try more “tricks” once I had “skated” in his shoes.

Why am I writing this to you?

I realized several things:

1.      Kids are actually great teachers.  Since most of what they have learned has been learned recently, they know they know how hard it is to learn and they don’t want you to make the same mistakes they did.

2.      If you fall and stay down, they will either call the ambulance if it is serious or run over you with their skateboards. They don’t respect anyone who won’t at least try. If you fall and get up, they respect the fact that you tried. 

3.      Never rent a helmet.  You never know which of the previous wearers had head lice…

4.      And finally, words of encouragement mean nothing unless you’ve actually been in the same predicament.  Then the words are golden.

Christ did the same when He came and lived through what we live through. 

He came and “dropped-in” from heaven. 

He knew what it was like to lose someone He cared about, what it was like to be hungry, what it was like to lack sleep and how it felt to laugh.

He was one of us so He could be one with us.

Well, Noah and I had a ton to talk about on the way back home from the skatepark.

Somehow I think he knew we shared the same fears of our first “drop-in”.

If you would have been in the bathroom with my 3 year old son Jacob and I on Thursday night you would have heard the following conversation take place…

Dad: “Jakey, do you know where your poopey comes from?”

Jacob (with passion): “From my BUTT!”

Dad (both of us laughing): “Yes, you are right. But do you know what makes your poopey? What is it made of?”

Jacob (thinking): “Stinky socks?”

Dad (both of us laughing): “No, it comes from the food in your stomach. When you eat you get energy and muscles. It is the extra stuff you don’t need.”

Jacob (very seriously): “Oh. But Dad, when my food goes all the down here [points to his thighs], then I get diarrhea.”

Can’t argue with that.