Ask any combat veteran what got them through the hell we call war and most will tell you a story of camaraderie, Intestinal Fortitude and a great leader.

The veterans of WWII’s Easy Company all speak highly of the exceptional leadership of Dick Winters, the companies senior officer.

Major Dick Winters exhibited these leadership traits:

* Exceptional Courage
* Never asking his men to perform a task he would not do.
* Putting his men’s needs in front of his own.
* Strict adherence to moral attributes and values.
* Setting the example and leading the way.
* Grace and Humbleness about his actions.

When interviewed about his acts of heroism for the HBO Series Band of Brothers, Winters quoted a letter stating:

“‘I cherish the memories of a question my grandson asked me the other day when he said, Grandpa, were you a hero in the war?’ Grandpa said ‘No… but I served in a company of heroes…”

More than anything today, our children need leaders. Physical, Spiritual and Emotional Leaders and this is the job of the father.

Study after study shows that a fathers presence, actions and example (or lack thereof) has the greatest amount of influence on our children. It determines the type of men our boys become and the type of men our daughters will marry.

Our society today is lacking in positive male role models. This must change.

As I have said in On Leadership and When The Leader Changes The House Changes, there are a lot of managers in the world but fewer leaders.

We must strive to become leaders in our home, our marriage and in the lives of our children.

Parents of spiritual champions exhibited these leadership traits:

* The children realized who was in charge
* The parents led and made decisions
* They excepted responsibility for failures in the family
* They meet the emotional, spiritual and physical needs of their children
* They subtly helped solve problems but raised problem solving children
* They reinforced the spiritual claims, and morals and values by their own example not only by their words.

Children learn by example and modeling, NOT by our words. We need to be a living example daily of the life and character traits we wish to instill in our children.

In my opinion, Permissive Parenting, is this biggest failure and cause of juvenile problems, depression and anxiety in our children today. Followed next by Overprotective Parenting which is highly contagious in our Christian society. Sorry, no more ranting, this will be covered in the next series…

Further leadership traits of parents who raised spiritual champions were:

Staying calm in the midst of chaos

Holding their tongue at appropriate times

Not fighting their kids battles for them at school, sports or socially.

If a parent blows up on a child, apologizing later, explaining the reasons why and asking for forgiveness.

Explaining the moral and biblical reasons why your family lives and believes the things it does. The “Do As I Say” parenting style does not work with the savvy kids of today.

The bottom line:

Children need parents who are strong moral leaders in their own lives, they need to see their parents living and setting the example of a Godly, Christian life and they need parents who are committed to instilling these traits in their children.

In conclusion, I hope this series has opened some eyes and got some heads nodding in agreement. I struggle daily to uphold all these traits and pray every night to be the example and leader in my children’s lives.

If we as parents are not the leaders and examples in our children’s lives, someone or something will take our place. The media, peers, society and secular views are all fighting to take this leadership role from us.

We need to step up, take back our faith and live our lives as if Jesus was walking beside us.

-Esse Quam Videri-

In this post we will continue to look at some real world statistics on parents who have raised Spiritual Champions. By this, I mean children who are now adults and display the Legacy Character Traits and consider themselves active, saved Christians who are still working on spiritual growth as young adults or parents themselves.

Traits of Parents Who Have Raised Spiritual Champions: Part 2

7. Focus on Godly Character

Rarely in the parenting research I look at do you find something that is 100% across the board agreed on by parents, however, focusing on Godly character and character traits was the number one priority of parents who raised spiritual champions.

Modern day schools focuses almost exclusively on honing skills and grasping and applying information and little to no time on character development, it is assumed by parents and educators alike that it will somehow manifest in the process. This failure to plan is a great plan to fail.

Many older generations complain about this lack of character traits in today’s youth constantly. Enron, The Current Housing Collapse, Divorce, Domestic Violence and Most Crimes are all a result of character issues.

Parents of spiritual champions taught their children that their focus was on adding value to society rather than taking or expecting something from society.

The focused on teaching their children to help others rather than compete or outperform others.

And that the type of person you are is more important than what you accomplish or what you have.

For a moment, contrast these three areas with today’s mainstream adults. A majority of today’s adults focus on the exact opposite of these traits.

One mother of a spiritual champion stated this

“I never yelled at my son for grades or missed goals on the soccer field but if he ever mistreats someone…we had a long talk usually followed by some corrective action. I rather have an honest, caring child than a smart child.”

8. Parental Focus

Parenting is a huge, life changing event. My wife and I have studied friends in the past few years and sometimes have a great laugh. We thought that older, maturer parents or parents who were more financially prepared for children would perform better than when we first had kids (young, broke, clueless.) However, we have learned that no matter how prepared you are, nothing is better than experience and trial and error.

Some parents follow a mainstream philosophy that when they have kids, they will continue to progress in their careers, hobbies and social life and just add kids to the mix. They give their kids general guidelines and hope that the kids will figure it out or that the schools, babysitters or church will pick up where they cannot. They outsource a good deal of their parenting roles to follow their own personal goals.

Successful parents follow a philosophy that parenting is their number one priority. Sacrifices will need to be made in all areas of their lives. Specific long term and strategic goals need to be established in parenting and then a game plan to reach these goals. These parents are totally hands on and have a specific set of expectations and outcomes they wish to achieve in parenting and this takes precedence over their careers and social endeavors.

Successful parents also learn that parenting is not a popularity contest. Many times successful parents will not relate with other parents, they will be talked about or gossiped about in the PTA or other parental circles. Many other parents will not share their beliefs or parental goals and will be seen as extreme or even be envied and further ridiculed by other parents.

The goal of successful parents is simply to instill Godly morals, beliefs and character in their children and raise spiritual champions. They are not interested in being voted most popular mom or head of the parent sports committee.

9. A Stable-Consistent Home

Security is such a huge trait when raising children and our kids can see it and sense it more than we think.

I believe security is instilled by consistency, rules, expectations and predictability.

If you asked my children what happens every night at our house at 8:30, you would get this response:

Children in bed

Mom and Dad are having couch time

I never knew what an impact this had on my children until my wife told me a story.

My wife befriended a woman with two kids about 8 months ago and two weeks into the relationship, my wife got a frantic call from the woman asking my wife to come over to her house. My wife and kids went to her house and saw a moving truck outside with the woman and some people loading the truck. My wife found her friend and saw a fresh bruise on her face and did not ask questions. The woman was loading up and heading to her parents house, a few thousand miles away and taking the kids with her.

My wife and kids helped her load the truck and when she left, my daughter asked my wife questions about divorce. After a discussion on divorce, my daughter hugged my wife. My wife asked what the hug was for and my daughter replied that she is glad that her and daddy spend time together everyday and would never get a divorce.

My daughter has since heard friends and kids at school talk about how hard a divorce is and she frequently takes comfort in knowing she will never have to face this problem. My daughters reality from our couch time and how my wife and I treat each other daily is that we would never divorce.

There are many factors that lead to a stable home but parents of spiritual champions noted these factors the highest.

1. Family Rules and Laws – Fair, Firm and Consistent.

There are family rules and expectations and failure to meet these expectations or follow these rules leads to discipline and consequences. Setting boundaries and ensuring respect was the two most noted.

2. Enforcing A Curfew

Consistent bed times and specific times to be at home for tweens and teens.

Few parents had curfews lasting later than 11:00PM even for older teens.

3. Friends

Successful parents cautiously and subtly influenced who their children befriended. We have never told our children who they can or cannot be friends with, but because of our standards and rules, the cream rises and friends who did not adhere to our rules or values, quickly leave the scene.

We ask questions about their friends behaviors and usually assess the parents early in the relationship. You can learn a lot about kids by watching the parents.

Also, personally know your children’s friends. Kids in our house see our example, our families values and beliefs and it rubs off on some. At one time, we were taking 5 other neighborhood kids to church with us on Sundays. Kids are great evangelists.

4. Limit Media Content

The average American child is engaged in 40 hours of media intake per week. Parents need to set time limits and filter the content. At our house, MTV or any other channel with similar content is blocked on the cable. Disney or Nickelodeon is the main channel on our TV. Internet use is strictly monitored and filtered using parental controls.

I never knew what a huge factor this played in parenting until last year. One of the neighborhood kids was having a casual conversation with my son and he was describing in detail some of his favorite horror movies his parents let him watch. Saw, Hostel and My Bloody Valentine were his favorites. Another son of a co-worker described to my son a viral porn movie that was being circulated and how he found it on Youtube. These were 9-11 year olds.

Parents not limiting media content when we were kids was a huge parenting weakness expressed by adults today (Gen X and Y)

5. Spend Time Daily

We have to spend fully engaged time with our children everyday. “Quality time” on the weekends is not enough. Our aim should be to spend at least one hour per day of fully engaged time with each child. Once this time becomes frequent and consistent, children will begin to let you into their inner world and share their most intimate secrets with you. This is also where you can have the most life changing discussions and moments with your children.

According to the Barna Group, older teens and twenty something’s said that the top two failures of their parents were this:

1. Not Enough Discipline – Firm Consistent Rules

2. Failure to spend enough time with their children. Children felt their parents focus was else where.

In the final post of Christianity 2009, I will discuss a topic that is interwoven into all the posts and into success or failure as a parent.

For the first 7 posts of this topic, I have focused on what I perceive is the current problem with Christianity and why we (Christians) are being the subject of increased attacks and skepticism especially from the younger generations.

Next, we will look at some real world statistics on parents who have raised Spiritual Champions. By this, I mean children who are now adults and consider themselves active, saved Christians who are still working on spiritual growth as young adults or parents themselves.

Traits of Parents Who Have Raised Spiritual Champions:

1. Parenting is their primary job.

Parents of spiritual champions took parenting very seriously and realized that raising children was the most significant contribution they would ever make to society. More than their jobs, their hobbies or their sports leagues. Many times this conflicts with other friends or societies views as our society puts a high value on career advancement or academic progression. These parents often stand out from the crowd and make personal life sacrifices that enhance their abilities to be better parents.

2. Parents are Life Coaches.

Parents of spiritual champions realized that a majority of what their children would learn about life would be taught in the home and from their parents example. In knowing this, the parents took an active role in being a Life Coach for their children. Often times contradicting society or the medias portrayal of norms and values, these parents set a real life example of a productive member of society and took an active role in shaping their children’s worldviews.

3. Soci-economic factors had no bearing on results.

Parents of spiritual champions did not let financial standings impede their ability to parent effectively. Many of these households are single income households with one parents taking the role as primary care-giver. Not because of ignorance or lack of education but the fact that the parents realized that having one parent in a constant Life Coach role was more beneficial to raising their children. Money was not a factor in their outcome.

4. Put First Things First.

As Stephen Covey taught us, these parents got their priorities straight. In society, these parents are often frowned upon. Many Double Income parents have to outsource their parenting roles to teachers, coaches and the church and then cry foul on these institutions when their children have problems. Parents of spiritual champions realize that their childrens education in academics, faith and morals and values is the priority of the parents and not any other institution.

These parents also focus on spending as much time with their children as possible. This is contrary to many parents who work long hours then try to “buy” back quality time on weekends or by buying their children whatever they want in an attempt to make up for time lost because of work or other priorities in the parents life.

Parents of spiritual champions also balance their childrens time differently. They focus on faith and core values first then academics, sports and extracurricular activities and social lives. 73% of modern day parents place their children’s time in exactly the opposite with little to no evidence that placing a high priority on academics or sports and extracurricular activities will yield positive results. See The Success Illusion for a better explanation.

Lastly, parents of spiritual champions put first things first by openly discussing problems and faith issues as a family. They look for everyday examples as an opportunity to talk and teach about faith and life values.

5. Genuine Relationships.

Parents of spiritual champions are not like the parents portrayed in the latest movies or sitcoms. Meaning they have a hands off approach and only show up at opportune times. Parents of spiritual champions seek to have a Mentor-Friend relationship with their children while maintaining their authority as a parent. They have real conversations on life, morals and faith with their children and average 90-120 minutes of personal time with their children each day. The national average for parents in the U.S. is 15 minutes of personal time with their children per day.

6. Intentional Spiritual Growth.

Parents of spiritual champions have measurable goals and benchmarks for their children and also set the example by continuing in their own spiritual journey and growth during their chidrens’ lives. The parents pray, read the Bible, attend seminars and lectures and look for opportunities to live and teach Christianity by their example to their children. Many now adult spiritual champions said this was a big factor in their own choice to continue their faith and spiritual growth.

These may be six simple truths but they take a lifetime to hone and live up to.

To end this post I also offer some caution. While parenting should be a priority in a couples life, it is not the number one priority. I have seen many couples try to do this and then the marriage ends because the focus shifted from the marriage to the children. In my opinion the priorities should be faith, marriage, children.

To finish up Christianity 2009, we will discuss further some parenting techniques for raising spiritual champions and give some real world examples of how to implement this into your current parenting style.

Today we will continue to look at the foundations of followers of “The Way” and how being true to these foundations will bring forth a more spiritual journey and relationship with Christ. For parenting, these are the foundations I want to instill in my children through my own personal modeling as well as core development while they are growing up.

4. Intentional Spiritual Growth. Following the way means that we derive our direction in life from our relationship with God. My life changed significantly when I finally submitted to God and begin to ask God to direct my life for HIS purpose. It led to Legacy Dad and many positive changes in my personal life, marriage and family. I made it a priority to have a personal relationship with God and to not let outside influences deter this relationship.

5. Servanthood. True love is shown through acts of selfless service. Mimi Silbert, founder of the Delancey Street Foundation has changed thousands of hardened criminals into productive members of society without counseling, more prison time or special programs. One of the core behaviors she focuses on is getting these criminals to be other focused. Selfless Service and a willingness to see others succeed. If this approach works for hardened criminals’ imagine the effects it would have on our children? The Early Christian Church stressed servanthood and selfless service as a way to follow the example set by Jesus. It showed their transformation and submission to the faith. We need to focus on serving others rather than being served.

6. Resource Investment. For a long time I focused a good deal of my time on developing ways to invest my money to ultimately be wealthy and secure someday. However, since I started Legacy Dad, I realized that money does not create a true legacy. A true legacy comes from investing in relationships, people and sharing our wealth to help others. Followers of the Way look for people and relationships they can invest their time and talents into to rather than material treasures or hobbies. Also, the funny thing is, if you ever speak with someone materially wealthy, most will tell you that relationships played a big part in their material wealth and success.

7. Family Faith. The final foundation of the Early Church and Followers of the Way place family faith as one of the most important tasks in their lives. This is the whole reason for Legacy Dad. Parents much teach and model their faith and positive behaviors everyday. The church, while a good tool, will not raise our children into spiritual champions. The home must be a place of God, teachings, and worship. In the Early Christian Movement, the home was the only place of worship.

I believe that following these 7 Foundations will bring us, as Christians, back to the beginnings of True Christianity. I must also stress that those that strive to follow these seven foundations are not always seen by those involved in the church as the best examples of Christianity. However, being true to these seven foundations is what Jesus called the “fruit.” Jesus said to look not at the amount of religious information, verses or how many times we attended worship but at how we integrate his teachings into our everyday life. This is the true fruit of a relationship with Christ.

I often say that I don’t care how people act at church or when they are in the view of other Christians but how do they act when no one can see them. How do they act when they will receive no recognition or praise for following their beliefs? This is the true test for us as well as our children.

In the final few posts of Christianity 2009, we will look at how to change our current worldview of our faith if we have strayed from the path and more importantly how our children and the younger generations can be a huge catalyst for living their lives more on purpose and changing the current view of Christianity.

In this post we will look at a new type of Christian that is popping up in many local churches and we will also begin to unpack the traits of these new type of Christians. Actually these Christians are not knew at all because I personally believe they emulate more the early “Followers of the Way.”

First, I must address that many of these young Followers are currently frustrated with the current state of Christianity just like the outsiders but instead of leaving the church, they are trying to help the church evolve and in many instances, starting their own churches with great success.

Many of these young leaders and authors are facing great criticism from the traditional church goers as well as those who fear change in the church. The most common criticism I hear is that these young followers are not fully compliant with scripture and they are piece meal Christians. However, I would like to state what peter said in Acts 11:9.

“The voice spoke from heaven a second time, Do not call anything impure that God has made clean.”

We need to be very careful to critique peoples Spirituality and how they live it out, this is one of the main causes for many outsiders to leave the Church. It is possible that God is working in this person in other ways than what we may see or call traditional. I’m sure Martin Luther was called an unbiblical heretic at the time of the Reformation, but the people could not see God working in him.

However, we must be wise and discerning about these leaders but not judgmental. I am constantly frustrated by Christians who finally get a calling and the courage to act on that calling and then when they begin, they are ridiculed, criticized and crushed not by Satan, but by our very own in the Christian community.

Don’t criticize those doing Gods work when we disagree with their style or approach.

Now lets look at the seven traits inherent to these Followers:

1. Intimate Worship and Relationship With God

These Followers believe in private and public worship almost daily. Not necessarily a formal worship service but a praise to God. When they worship, they are God focused.

This may seem rather trivial until you look at some statistics done again by the Barna Group.

According to a poll of Christians meeting the Born Again criteria:

* A majority said that formal church service is the only time they worship God
* 8 out of 10, DO NOT feel connected to God during worship
* Half of all believers say they have not felt connected with God in the last year.
* 25% say that when they worship, God is the primary beneficiary of the worship.
* Most say they are expecting something personally from the experience.

Now, please understand I love an entertaining service with great contemporary music, videos and powerpoint slides but the main focus has to be God focused not man focused. Read Worship Is not for our entertainment for more insight.

2. Faith-Based Conversations

Followers share Gods love, share their experience and relationship with God in positive, compassionate ways to others. Their conduct in everyday life is an example of their faith.

Again, research shows:

* Most “Born Agains” will die without ever leading someone else to Christ.
* At any given time, they are not praying for the Salvation of a specific person.
* Most believe that since they are not lay people, they do not know enough, are they are not blessed with the gift of evangelism, it is not their responsibility.

A few years, I seriously considered going to seminary and becoming ordained, until I spoke with a Pastor. The pastor told me that I do not need to go to seminary to share God’s word with others and many times having that title makes it harder to share with others because their defenses automatically go up. He told me that I do not need to be perfect, or have the bible memorized but simply to be passionate and share God’s love in my unique way with as many people as possible.

3. Spiritual Friendships

Followers have spiritual friendships that involve accountability and mentorship. They consistently seek mentors and friendships that can help them grow spiritually, especially in ways that they are lacking.

You need multiple friends and mentors that are honest, accountable and willing to tell you when you are wrong. For over a year on Legacy Dad, Dante emailed me and constantly challenged me to move forward with my ministry. Not to mention, some other strong Christians who helped me and gave me greater clarity and vision for this ministry. (Thanks Peter B. and Tim K.)

Research shows that of “Born Agains”:

* Only 1 in 6 – has a spiritual relationship that involves accountability.
* Any a majority said that significant choices in their life were most influenced by media, family and co-workers rather than teachings or advice from fellow Christians or mentors.

To recap, we have started to take a look at the traits of those Christians who are breaking the mold of the current state of Christianity and hoping to evolve the faith back to its roots. In the next post, The Real Legacy, we will unpack the final 4 traits and then further examine how this growing group of Christian followers views the Church.

In order to get a grasp on where the Christian faith is currently and where we need to move to next, I think we must first examine our roots. I wanted to know if todays Christian movement matched that of the early followers.

Note that in the beginning, followers were not called Christians but “Followers of the Way.” I will also use this term to describe the modern Christian believers who break the traditional mold and exhibit some of the traits of the early Christians. I believe the example being set by many of these “Followers” is the key to solving the Christianity problem discussed in the previous posts.

So what were early followers like?

Did they argue over doctrine? Did they have elaborate worship services? Did they bicker with other Christians over whose rituals were most biblical?

Not exactly. Look at a passage from Acts 2:42-47

“They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. Everyone was filled with awe, and many wonders and miraculous signs were done by the apostles. All the believers were together and had everything in common. Selling their possessions and goods, they gave to anyone as he had need. Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved.”

Acts 4:31-35

“After they prayed, the place where they were meeting was shaken. And they were all filled with the Holy Spirit and spoke the word of God boldly.

All the believers were one in heart and mind. No one claimed that any of his possessions was his own, but they shared everything they had. With great power the apostles continued to testify to the resurrection of the Lord Jesus, and much grace was upon them all. There were no needy persons among them. For from time to time those who owned lands or houses sold them, brought the money from the sales and put it at the apostles’ feet, and it was distributed to anyone as he had need.”

So basically what I took from this was that the Early Followers:

Were devoted to following the teachings of Jesus

Had fellowship, worship and prayed together

Met together and had meals

Shared in their belongings, wealth and helped the needy.

They were one in heart and mind

Testified the resurrection of Jesus

And because of this, God added to their numbers daily.

I see nothing of telling people they are going to Hell, holding political rallies or judging and criticizing their peers?

I envision a movement of young Christians who are tired of the judgmental, hypocritical ways and want to move forward to bring Christianity back to its original roots. A Christianity that invites all people, helps all people and is the light of the earth.

A movement of people who are the first to lend a helping hand and who are slow to judge but quick to forgive and offer grace. A movement of people who live their faith by their daily actions and who are not afraid to proclaim they are Christians.

A movement of people who read the Bible daily with their families, who pray openly and honestly about all issues and make their faith in Jesus Christ the driving passion in their lives.

In the next post, Breaking The Mold, we will look at seven ways to move closer to this reality.

-Esse Quam Videri-

There are 4 reasons why perceptions matter.

1. What people think about us, influences how they respond to us.

Peoples attitudes and perceptions drive their actions. If their attitudes about Christianity are already negative, we are already at a disadvantage.

2. What people think about us, should help us be more objective.

We need to be more objective and transparent. When we go to church and hang out with Christians, we are seeing the faith through rose colored glasses. Outsiders are trying to tell us that we are not being honest with ourselves.

We are what we are, not what we tell people we are. People will not be swayed to embrace Christianity by our words, our multimedia services or our new coffee shop. They look at our daily actions.

3. What people think of Christians can change.

Attitudes and Perceptions can be changed. As the study in 1996 shows, Christians were seen highly favorable. By addressing the issues of outsiders and living more Christ like, we can again be seen as living examples of our faith.

4. What people think of Christians reflect personal stories and interactions.

This is the hard one to face, personal experiences from outsiders about being treated cruelly by Christians.

We live in the world, not of it. However, currently stating that you are a Christian in the world of outsiders, can attach to you personally unwarranted labels of Hypocritical, Judgmental and so forth simply because of the perceptions of outsiders.

Finally, Jesus was concerned about the reputation of his father in Heaven. Are you?

Your life, words and daily actions are living examples to others of what God is like. And they are watching. Just tonight, I was eating with my family in a restaurant and when the food was served, we all held hands and prayed before eating. A few minutes later, the 20-something waiter came up and commented on how awesome it was to see us praying in public as a family. He said that it rarely happens anymore.

If you are still not convinced that perceptions matter, I wish you could hear some of the stories shared by respondents to the surveys.

One single mother left the church after Christians told her she would never be an effective parent and she needed to find a man.

Another women now feels Christians have no compassion when she asked her fellow Christians what she should tell a gay friend. The Christians responded with something about burning in hell.

Another women frequently asked her womens group about how to handle marital problems. She was told she was being to liberal and needed to be more submissive. The following year, her husband who was the Men’s Ministry leader, was charged with domestic violence charges against his wife and she has now left the church and her husband.

My own wife’s grand father, tells his daughters that they are going to burn in hell for not going to a Lutheran Church. I told them to ask him where it says that in the Bible?

Are you starting to grasp the problem?

Millions of Generation X and Y adults are disengaging from churches and Christians because they say they do not want to be associated with the perceptions of Christianity. Not only that, but they are vocal about it. Go to your local bookstore and see how many books are on the bestseller list that are atheist attacks on Christianity.

Today, we are losing the spiritual battle with these Generations and it’s our own fault.

It’s time we woke up.

Jesus said the world would hate us and Christians certainly go against the modern day “do whatever feels good” attitude but shouldn’t outsiders just repent and accept the truth of Jesus? Many people try this route with outsiders with little success and actually cause more damage.

As Christians, we often want to preach the good news but we fail to exhibit the other side of Jesus. Grace. See John 1:14.

Embracing truth without embracing grace leads to legalism. Just as grace without truth leads to compromise. Still, the Barna research shows that Gen X and Y say they rarely see Christians display the following traits:

Service, Compassion, Humility, Forgiveness, Patience, Kindness, Peace, Joy, Goodness, and Love.

I witnessed this example firsthand over Christmas. My In-laws have attended a small town conservative church for over 20 years, yet recently after attending my church and my sister-in-laws church they started to see their church in a different light. They saw very judgmental attitudes, hateful remarks about homosexuals and sermons on how Barack Obama is the anti-Christ. This led them to leave their church, a church they literally helped build and remodel, and attend a more Evangelical church in their area. The told everyone they simply needed to move on and grow more spiritually. The reaction from friends was dismissal, rumors and some friends not even speaking with them. This church is a perfect example of the “us versus them” mentality and further the negative traits that outsiders are referencing.

Outsiders claim that we lack grace and this leads them to the perception that Christians are no different than anyone else.

Still the question remains, should we really care what outsiders think? I think the scarier question is this: What if outsiders are correct about the current state of Christians?

The real question I think we need to ask is this?

What are we failing to portray to the future generations of our faith and outsiders?

If we are lacking in the grace department than we need to take a long hard look in the mirror and we should care about the future generations of our faith. A recent study showed that Protestant Churches in the US on a whole spent only about 1/8th of their money on youth programs as opposed to 5/8ths on adult and elder programs. What do these figures tell you about the future of our churches?

If we, the Christians, have not been modeling the Christian faith properly than we share in the burden of fault but we also hold the key to the solution.

In the past few months, while researching this subject, I have often brought up this discussion with outsiders and they almost always agree. I also ask if they found a movement or church that was more based on the traits they claim we lack, would they return to church or be involved with this type of organization and most say yes or they would at least be willing to give it a try.

In Part Four: Why Perceptions Matter. We will look at why outsiders perceptions and attitudes matter and why it is mainly our fault.

Again, I stress that these findings are not easy to face but it is important to examine them and correct our personal walks as well as influence our churches and friends to look at these findings as well.

We are going to look at the 6 biggest themes that draw the most skepticism and
objections from outsiders.

1. Hypocritical
2. Too Focused on Getting Converts
3. Anti-Homosexual
4. Sheltered
5. Too Political
6. Too Judgmental

We are going to look at how these outsiders arrive at these conclusions as well as how these perceptions affect their acceptance of Christ.

We will also look at how we can change these perceptions and how to build bridges to reach these generations while not compromising our own faith and values.

I will also look at a concept I call the “Followers of the Way” or simply Followers. This is a reference to the early followers of Jesus and we will look at biblical examples of early church followers as opposed to modern day Christians and how we can return to an early form of Christianity.

This is not an effort to be more popular or to accommodate for outsiders but as a way to engage these generations and improve the image of Christianity.

Please understand that you may not agree with the research on the views of outsiders or my recommendations but you should also not ignore it. We have to deal with outsiders as they are, if we do not, it simply reinforces their criticisms and makes these perceptions more powerful because they go unanswered.

One of the common mistakes of these findings is blaming them on spiritual denial by outsiders. This is inaccurate however because most perceptions come from experiences with Christians or Churches. Remember, a majority of these people grew up Christian, went to church camps and participated spiritually weekly if not daily.

I personally work with a Christian home-schooled, evangelical girl now turned atheist lesbian and the son of a Baptist pastor who is now also an atheist. Both can quote scripture inside and out and both know their church history and will use it against Christians when confronted.

Remember, theology is not the problem. Outsiders claim the 2 main reasons for skepticism comes from personal experiences in a church and relationships with Christians.

What these findings tell me is that our words, actions and lifestyles play a key role in shaping the perceptions of outsiders. Which is a double edged sword because how we openly live our faith in front of others is often the deciding factor in shaping outsiders perceptions.

50 Million respondents to a Barna Survey claimed to have had a negative sometimes emotionally painful experience with a so-called Christian.

1 in 2 atheists in Generations X and Y claim this as a major reason for their rejection of Christianity.

Clearly, we are the problem.

Let me be very clear here in stating that re-shaping or softening the Bible is not in any way part of my strategy. But, re-shaping the way Christians interact with outsiders is very much part of my strategy.

Outsiders like to talk, debate and argue and Christians must accept this. Outsiders also state that Christians try to use these debates as openings to throw as many arguments at the outsider as possible to persuade them to follow Christianity. Outsiders stated they felt as if Christians were simply arguing to be right and not really listening to an outsiders genuine concerns. They also stated that Christians come off as arrogant or thinking they are morally superior than outsiders.

What also may shock you is the fact that many ACTIVE young Christians who participate in a church also raise the same criticisms as outsiders.

Generation X and Y Active Christians say that the modern church is:

Anti-Homosexual
Judgmental
Too Involved in Politics
Hypocritical
Out of Touch with Reality
Insensitive to outsiders

Bell But there is hope. These same young Christians are the very people working hard to repair these perceptions and change the church to bring it back to a favorable place with their peers. This, of course, is met with resistance by many “tradition” Christians, many young leaders and authors for change are often labeled as not biblically accurate or using biblical themes in incorrect context.

Jesus spent his entire ministry working with and preaching to sinners, not believers. I believe, that young Christians today need to try to emulate this example.

A few weeks ago, a young lesbian couple sat in front of me at Church. They were dressed very nicely, held hands and were obviously very tense about being in a church especially after all the recent emotions surrounding the political measures on gay marriage. During the time of greeting, I walked up to them, shook their hands and welcomed them saying that it was great to have them there.

Do I agree with their lifestyle? No.

But I am not the judge, I am trying to be the bridge builder.

We must accept outsiders as they are. After all, we are all fallen sinners. Our goal as Christians is to build bridges with the outsiders of the world and show them that there is an answer. The answer is a personal relationship with Jesus. However, each person must make this decision of their own free will. We cannot persuade, scare or pressure people into accepting Christ, they must make this decision on their own. We must set the example and show the outsiders why our relationship with Christ is life-changing and worthy to pursue.

We must openly live the faith we profess.

Christians have an image problem. Many people outside the Christian faith, many of them young adults, have little trust in the Christian faith.

Outsiders admit their emotional and intellectual barriers go up around Christians and they reject Jesus and Christians because they feel Christians are rejecting them.

I don’t meet a lot of people who have never heard the word of Jesus Christ. I do however meet a lot of people who were once Christian but have now left or even worse reject the faith altogether.

Generation X and Y have thrown a whole new dynamic into our faith. These generations are by nature more skeptical. They are targeted, marketed to and branded more than any other generations in the history of mankind. Everyone is trying to sell them something. They are also more savvy, technologically advanced and have millions of pieces of information for research or propaganda.

These two generations are also very diverse in values, family, education, careers and leisure. They favor uniqueness over “normal” and put relationships and the need to belong very high on their needs. They also want to be accepted and they want to feel comfortable. Perfection is not reality to them and they constantly search for new experiences and sources of motivation. They want to participate in the process rather than just follow and a vast majority of this population attended a church during high school but then left the church.

In 1996, 85% of this population including all non-believers saw Christianities role in society as favorable.

That was 1996.

Today:

38% have a bad perception of present day Christians.
30% said Christianity has a negative image with which they would not want to be associated.

Most of this population throws it criticism at the “born again” and “evangelical” Christians and see them as fanatics or political activists. Not because of any theological perspective but because of the arrogance we project to outsiders.

Many outsiders claim to have received “verbal aggression” from Christians. Many outsiders think Christian means ultra-conservative, anti-gay, anti-choice, angry, violent, il-logical and inflexible. They also believe Christians cannot debate or logically explain their faith and Christians want to convert everyone or reject them for not converting.

One theme that kept coming up in these studies was the theme that Christians are presently known more for what they stand against and not what they stand for. And almost all of these issues are political.

Christians today are known for having and Us Versus Them mentality.

As G.W. so un-eloquently put it. “You’re either with us or against us.”

Outsiders feel Christians reject them for how they look or what they believe.

The three most dominate beliefs held by outsiders about Christians are:

Christians Are Anti-Homosexual – 91%
Christians Are Judgemental – 87%
Christians Are Hypocritical – 85%

Also mentioned by a majority of outsiders was: Old Fashioned, Too Involved in Politics, Out Of Touch With Younger Generations, Insensitive to Others and Not Accepting of Other Faiths.

This is what our new generations think about Christianity.

They do however believe that spirituality plays an important role in their life and also feel that the morals and values of Christianity are good. They simply believe that the modern day Christian church is not an accurate reflection of these morals and values.

This generation was raised in Christianity but now believes that Christianity is not in pure form and not a reflection of the teachings and example of Jesus Christ.