The Stranger

It doesn’t make sense. None of this is my fault. Why am I here right now? I only stole so that I could feed my family. Remember God, when you burnt down my house? That’s when my life changed. You took my clothes, you took my food, and you even took one of my daughters in that fire. Then you sent a drought. I could not farm anymore. What was I to do? Then you took my wife. How could you? You let them rape her, and then beat her. I watched as they killed her. What kind of God are you?

I had no choice other than to do what I did. I was left with no options. My whole life I had wanted something more, but I never received it. I was treated unfairly. I don’t know who else to blame other than you. Why doesn’t any of this make sense? I didn’t mean to cheat those people. I never meant to rob them, or hurt them. My intentions were never to kill anyone. I was just angry at you, and at them. I have spent my whole life feeling the pain, and experiencing the hurt.

I had no choice other than to…well, maybe I did. And here I am, being punished for something…that I guess I chose to do. That something I have been looking for, how can I find it? Can you give it to me? But it doesn’t make any difference anyway – there’s not enough time for this to happen. I’m sorry, God. I don’t know what else to say. I guess there was a part of me that couldn’t understand why all of those things happened to me.

Instead of coming to you with everything, I ran. I let things stir inside of me and I turned it them anger. I couldn’t control myself, or my actions. I just wish that you could forgive me. My whole life was full of mistakes, and crimes, and things that I would consider totally unforgivable by you. But here we are and time is running out. What’s the use? I’m only getting what I deserve.

I know that you are out there. I just never took the time to get to know you. I wish I had more time, but I don’t. There was always a part of me that wanted to invite you into my life, and ask you to forgive me. But I couldn’t do it. I don’t know why. I felt like I always needed you. But I wasn’t strong enough to ask…I am starting to see it all now. But I feel like it’s too late. What I should have done, how I should have lived my life. But again, I am only getting what I deserve. I got caught. It was my life, my choices, and so now, it’s my punishment. But this other guy next to me – he didn’t do anything wrong. He was set up. I never saw him lie, or cheat, or steal, or hurt anyone. It’s not fair.

Why does he have to…“Hey, hey!!!! You over there. Don’t you fear God, since you are under the same sentence? You and I are punished justly, for we are getting what our deeds deserve. But this man has done nothing wrong. Jesus, please remember me when you come into your kingdom…” Paradise? Today? What do you mean I’ll be with you…I don’t understand…am I being forgiven? What kind of man…what kind of God? It all makes sense now. All I had to do was ask.

And to think that I went my entire life so close to asking…so many times, so many chances to turn things around. To know that I could have spent my entire life walking with you, not away from you. Thank you God. For understanding me, for forgiving me, and for loving me. And Jesus, now I know why you never contested those accusations. Even though you are innocent, I realize now that there is a bigger picture.

I see You hanging there, so mercifully, taking the world’s pain and suffering all upon yourself. Nails piercing Your hands and feet, but You endure it. I see You hanging there, writhing in agony, with power to stop it all, but You don’t. For You are accepting what needs to be done. I see You hanging there, loving those who put You there, forgiving the very ones who drove the nails and are hurling insults as You appear defenseless. I see You hanging there, for it is finished. You are changing the lives of all of us who are lost, allowing us to feel what we cannot see. I see You hanging there, saving them, saving me…